Coaching Principles Part 3 - Acorns

This blog is part three of a short series covering what I think are the principles of coaching. 

They are simple ideas which is deliberate...

Principle no.3 - Acorns

Every acorn has the potential to become a mighty oak tree...or at least, an oak something.  However, not all of them do...some stay dormant and never grow. All acorns contain everything they need to grow, but they need the right conditions.

This is a principle we believe as coaches.  Everyone is capable of being a bigger and better version of themselves. They have the potential within them. It is our jobs to provide the stimulus and conditions for that to come out.  We pull out the best parts of them and shine a light on it...enabling them to grow...  Cheesy?  Yes, but true.

Take care,
Paul

Coaching Principle Part Two - Finding Direction

There is a ton of stuff 'out there' about coaching - surely there is no need for more?!

I believe that there is always space in a crowded market for more  - as long as they are simple ideas...The trouble with anything that you learn about is that you learn more!  This means you think more about stuff and then there is a danger of becoming more complicated. 

Cartoon by Alan Evans

I am writing a series of short blogs to cover off some of the important principles of coaching... My goal is to keep them short and simple.

One of the most important principles of coaching  is... You need to help the other human find their direction.  It is easy for all of us at some point, to drift.  To not really think about what we want and don't want in our lives.   Coaching forces us to take stock - to set direction for ourselves.

If you don't set out with a destination in mind then anywhere will do!

Take care
Paul

Coaching Principles Part One

This blog begins a short series of top tips/ideas around what coaching is and isn't.  I am going to use a few images to bring out the salient points.  The way I have portrayed it may seem really simple - it is meant to.  Anyone can make things complicated.   I want you to be able to think about coaching in a pragmatic way so that you can use it.

First things first.  Let me clear about the definition here.  Coaching is about asking people not telling them what to do.  Other styles allow for that. The image above is described below as these are how I see it.

1. Pure Coach Style - only asking and never telling.  Pure coaching (like life coaching) you never give advice.
2. Business Coach Style - coaching used in a business setting. For example how a manager might use coaching. You ask questions first and only when the person being coached completely dries up, you might offer a suggestion or feedback. This is not to direct the conversation but to help the other person as time is limited.  Good coaching models like John Whitmore's GROW model area great for this
3. Trainer Style - adapting the amount of telling or asking depending on what the group needs to help them to learn.
4. Teach Style - classic style means give input then ask a question to check they understand.
5. Lecture Style - Just talk at people in transmit mode

Curve ball - Mentor

This is not so much a style in my opinion but is more about a person that is more experienced than the person being mentored.  You might be the 'seed' and the mentor is represented by the older 'plant' who has 'been there, seen it, got the t-shirt!'

Hope you found that helpful?

Paul

A simple change model

I want to introduce you to a model that I find useful to explain changing a behaviour or repeating pattern.  

It is called the Change Burger(TM)

The model is drawn like this to demonstrate an 'outside-in' approach to changing a thought or pattern of behaviour you don't like about yourself (for example).    You eat a burger 'outside-in' and get to the center bit last.  Here is an example of that approach might work with pattern changing:

Desired State - 'I want to feel more confident'  A feeling takes a bit of time to change so we will look at a way to 'act as if' you did feel confident.  What would be going on in the head and body of a person that did feel confident?

Body Approach - If you were acting as if you were a confident person, how would you talk, walk, stand...?  What sort of words would come out of your mouth and how would you say them?  Taking an 'outside-in' approach means that you now do those things as if you were a confident person. Treat it as an experiment and try a small behavioural change one bit at a time.  The Burger is made up of three parts that are all connected. Changing behaviour in one area will affect the other areas too - in other words, how you feel and what is happening in your head.

Head Approach - In your head are thoughts!  No surprise.  What are you saying to yourself about your own confidence?  Are you talking yourself out of situations by giving yourself a damn good mental kicking?  (I am soooo rubbish at these sort of things...)  A head approach (or one of them) means this.  It is hard to change all those negative thoughts into positive ones - so don't!  I would like you to simply count them in future. As you approach a situation that you feel un-confident in it, simply count how many times you talk to yourself negatively. This is part of an acceptance approach.  By noticing how often you are having these thoughts, you have now made a purely unconscious, doing it's own thing pattern become conscious. Once it is conscious (we are aware of it) we can do something about it.  

If we change our thought process, it affects our feelings and what our body will do - everything is connected.

That is the 'outside-in' approach to behavioural or pattern changing explained very briefly.  Hope that you found it useful?

Take care
Paul

How to communicate better

This blog is dedicated to a simple model that I came up with a few years ago. As far as I know with all the models I use, they are my own work. The problem is that people who do what I do for a living are literally steeped in self development models and ideas all the time... 

This tool is to help you to be heard, to communicate better overall.  It is called the H.E.A.R.D. model.   I have found it useful when coaching or training others around some core communication skills.  Here is a quick overview of the model itself.

H - Here.  Are you here?  Are you present?  Are you 'in the moment' or is your head in the last meeting or the one that you are about to go to afterwards.  This is the bare minimum - if you don't choose to be here, then don't bother with the rest of the model!

E - Emotions.  Are you emotionally intelligent?  Are you aware of your emotions and can use them effectively?  Are you able to manage your emotional hijack?  Do you know what your triggers are?  'Difficult' or important conversations can often trigger us to behave weirdly - don't you think?

A - Attend.  Paying attention to the other person and properly listening.  This takes some real effort to listen properly...not just active listening but attending to them.  The other person is your sole focus...

R - Respond.  Are you response - able?  Or do you just react.  Responding takes time because you consider what you are saying and are watchful to how it lands with the other person.  Taking time to notice and watch before you respond. React is when you just 'shoot from the lip'.  Taking time to listen involves not speaking or filling the silence.

D - Direction.  I don't always cover this part of the model as H.E.A.R. is a great start. This part is about having a purpose to the conversation, a flow. The ability to think in terms of starting well, managing the middle part and then closing well.  Using questions effectively.  Summarising, paraphrasing...


Take care,
Paul

How to receive feedback - The L.E.A.R.N. model

This blog is dedicated to a model for you to learn from feedback.  This is important as most of us at some time in our lives have received feedback...  Sometimes, it is painful to hear and hard to accept.

This simple model is designed to help you or, to guide others that you are giving feedback to...(in other words, to help them to hear it.)  The better tips for delivery were in previous blog around the B.I.D. model.

===========================
Today's model is called L.E.A.R.N.

Listen to what they are saying and stay calm - don't interrupt.

Evidence - you have a right for Examples to Explain what you said or did.

Acknowledge that you have heard. You do not have to Accept it as the complete truth as yet and this buys you some time to reflect on what has been said to you.

Respond not react.  Say something like, 'thanks for taking the time for this, I will have a good think about this...' Or,  if you accept the feedback as fair, valid and something you can do something about move onto 'N'

Next I will change that behaviour...Now I will go away and come back with an action plan around this...Next I will do more of that ...less of that...etc

That is it.  Hope you found it helpful...?

Take care,
Paul

Giving Feedback - The B.I.D. model

Here is a structure for giving feedback.  It is called the B.I.D. model.  

I believe it is really important to use a 'firm frame' when giving feedback to others. It is tricky for most of us that are human.  So, having a clear structure makes it more straight forward and perhaps less waffly.

Here is how it works:

1.    Signpost, 'We need to discuss something...'  'Let's grab a coffee and talk about what happened earlier...'  These are just rubbish examples of a really important principle. Alert them to what is about to happen - don't just shoot from the lip!

2.    Consider, this awareness/calibration type question:  'Do you know what this is about...Do you know what I am going to say...What is your take on the incident...'  etc etc.  This is to give them a chance to talk and tell you. This makes your life easier.  Because then, you can just ask them questions as in the Indirect approach below.

4.    If they look at you like you are an alien or are not particularly self aware, then you will need to tell them the feedback. This is more tricky.  Use the BID model direct method below.

5.    Behaviour is what they said or did

6.    Impact could be upon you or the team

7.    Do more or Do less is the wrap up part to be clear what is required

8.    Run!   Joking aside, it can be used positive and developmental feedback (Don't know if we are 'allowed' to say negative anymore?!)

That's it. Hope you find this useful...

Take care,

Paul

Reflections from Gestalt Group Dynamics Training

The last few months, I have been attending a course in Gestalt group dynamics training.  As a trained facilitator, I believe it is important to keep learning plus, putting myself into uncomfortable situations. After all, that is what we do to our classroom captives (delegates)!  It is important to be reminded what it feels like to be stuck in a training room at the whim of a stranger trainer.  At any moment, there is the possibility to be raised or lowered by a lip quip from said trainer.

This particular course has taught me a very, very valuable lesson. As trainers and facilitators, we often feel the need to fill.   The Gestalt facilitator, as I experience him (this is relevant if you ever attend this type of training) does very little.  I don't mean that he is supping his tea and dunking biscuits. I mean, he appears to do very little. He just watches us and rarely, extremely rarely, he intervenes just at the right moment to keep dynamics of group present. 

Here is the valuable lesson that I have learned in summary. Don't feel you need to fill the silence.  Try and do less and let the group struggle a little. Trainers often seem to want keep conversation going, fill the gaps, remove awkwardness etc.  However, I have learned, if you do the least amount as possible to make everything 'ok' then, only then, some really interesting group dynamics present themselves.

Good luck!

Paul

Starting Training Well...

A few key tips that I nicked from someone else!  Always the best sort of tips...

Tip no. 1 reminder - begin with the end in mind. It is about knowing where you want to end up so that you know why you are saying what you are saying.









Tip no. 2 reminder - use measurable language.  (words matter)

By the end of my training, you will be able to:

• Demonstrate
• Use
• List
• Identify

Tip no. 3    Reminder - use a basic structure.

You all know this one?  Beginning, body and conclusion - the super easy structure for presenting...

'Tell 'em what you are going to tell 'em.' 
'Tell 'em.'
'Tell 'em what you told 'em.'

Tip no. 4 Reminder - open your session well.

Attention - grab their attention by starting strong!
Benefits - what is in it for me to listen to you?!
Credibility - Why you are the right person to be there that day talking to them
Duration/Direction - how long and what we will be doing..

Helping people learn stuff

It has occurred to me that I haven't written anything for ages. In fact, yonks as we would say in the West Country (from where I hark.) 


Q. How do you help people to learn stuff?

If we are in a position to help others to learn, where do we start?  We don't want to overload them.  It is about getting it down to some simple ideas to make sure we get our messages across.

'Here is everything I know!'










I think it helps to apply a few basic ideas before you decide what slides you are going to put together...or what venue shall we use.  We need to get the basics right before we do anything else. 
Work out What MUST they know?!

Then begin with an end in mind and use measurable language to make sure you hit the target.

Write a clear outcome of where you are aiming for. If you don't know, how the hell will they work it out?!  Here are some language tips

Might seem obvious all of this but it isn't, so there.















By the end of this blog, you will be able to:
Explain how to write objectives that are measurable.

More next time...
Paul

Black Box Thinking

Just read this... It is a really good combination of the two areas of my work life... Training/coaching managers and running fear of flying courses.

The book I am recommending is called, 'Black Box Thinking, the surprising truth about success.'  Matthew Syed.

It contains some of the key lessons that we have learned from commercial aviation.  Lessons that have been paid with the highest price of all you might say. However, this book applies the approach that we take for granted in commercial aviation and says, 'What if we used this in other businesses?' 

In commercial aviation, when something goes wrong, we learn from it. As a result of accidents and incidents, flying is the safest form of transport.  Accidents have led to such innovations as human factors training for pilots and crew to make sure they communicate more effectively. It has led to a no blame culture when it comes to safety reporting.  It is okay to say, 'I made a mistake.'  This book will make you think about your own workplaces and if you are a manager or trainer, it could be invaluable to you. (I am not on commission!)

 
 



'Nobody wants to fail. But in highly complex organizations, success can happen only when we confront our mistakes, learn from our own version of a black box, and create a climate where it’s safe to fail.'