Coaching Principles Part Nine - Be Flexible

When I first started my training as a coach, I was told one thing categorically...'Never, ever, ever tell - you are there only to ask questions.'  And, 'Never give advice.'

I stuck to this for the first 10 years of my coaching career. Mostly, it served me well. However, there are some individuals that just 'dry up' and sit there looking at you when you only do this style.

Cartoon Alan Evans, Made to Measure Training

So, I need to confess, I have been breaking this rule for the last 10 years.  At first, I thought I had taken a journey to the dark side and was no longer a proper coach.  What I have found is (and wished I had earlier) we need to be flexible as a coach.

The ideal world

The human to be coached turns up raring to go. They have spent lots of time thinking about the areas to be coached on and are fully prepared to do the work. You ask them lots of beautifully crafted open questions and they answer in full, flowing prose.  You never give advice, they don't even ask for it. 

The real world (as I see it)

The human has been given some coaching as part of their management journey of some description. They didn't really know what coaching was and don't particularly see the need for it.   You launch your big juicy opener of, 'So, what would you like to talk about?  Or, 'What do you want to get from your coaching experience?'  etc. 

They answer, 'Dunno really, what do you think we should talk about...?'...tumbleweed

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There is hope. It is actually okay to not know what they want to talk about.  This is where I have learned to be flexible.  I do break the 'ask only' rule and mix up the coaching with some mentoring (advice and guidance)

I am still a coach. I will always start with pure open questions. I will always try to return to pure open questions but, sometimes, I have to take a mentoring detour on the way. If this gets them talking and buying into the process, then being a bit flexible is okay in my book. 

Good luck 'out there'

Paul