Paul Tizzard Blog July 2020

I don't know about you but, being at home during a pandemic has been a powerful experience for me.  

Putting aside the worry, restrictions, daily challenges...I have also learned a heck of a lot.   I am learned so much about running online courses, I suspect this will always be a future offering. I am now in fact a Zoom, Teams, Google Meet and BlackBoard Wizard!.   I have also done stuff like sorting out my office and finishing off a book - none of which I would have done otherwise. 

The bizarre thing is that I am working harder than ever (it feels harder due to screen fatigue) and still, I am pleased to say I have done jobs that I was hiding from!

So, I am pleased to launch my new book. It is an audio book and is in the process of being uploaded onto all the main places that audio books exist.  The cover is below and book title is 'Helping You To Overcome Fear of Flying.'

I really hope people 1. Buy it.  2. Find is useful 3. Don't ask for their money back!

Nice to get back in the swing of things. I realised that I have not written anything since 2008!  Too long...  

Special Thanks to:

• Trevor Reaveley of lunatix.co.uk for the graphics on front cover and for the audio editing. 
• Chris Rolinson of chrisrolinson.com for kindly providing two pieces of beautiful piano music he composed. 'Opening' and 'Relaxing.'   'Relaxing' features in Chapter 12 where I have been brave and recorded a fear of flying relaxation.  (I could only listen to it once as I can't bear listening to my voice)  (Wish I had Charles Grimes's proper voice - charlesgrimes.com - insights Guru)

Take care,

Paul

Paul Tizzard Blog May 2020

I heard a couple of phrases this week regarding the working from home and current pandemic. I liked them so much, I am going to share them with you.  I am sorry that I cannot give credit to where they came from...

Phrase 1


We are not all in the same boat dealing with this pandemic.  We are in the same storm but in different boats.  

Not all of us are experiencing this situation in the same way...Some of us are riding it very well...some have lost people...some are struggling financially...some are struggling emotionally... So, same storm, different boats.

Phrase 2

You are not working from home.   You are staying at home during a crisis trying to work.

What I liked about that is that it gives permission not to be perfect.  There are more distractions at home now...the rules have changed about how we work. Give yourself a break!

Take care,
Paul

Remote Working Survival Tips

This is the new normal as people are irritatingly calling it since the lockdown.

Working from bedrooms, cupboards, dining room tables whilst navigating everyone else being there too!

Here are some tips to help you make the most of it whilst you are working from home.  Also, I am quite excited that this will force some employers to take a different view on people working from home in the future....well, hope springs eternal!

Roll with it.  It is what it is.  Not much you can do about it. Whether you like it or you don't this is the way things are for the moment.

Emotions.  Tricky times. Surrounded by your household 24X7 and emotions will become tested and relationships. Be compassionate, patient and if all else fails, find ways to escape into your own space now and then - even X Box counts!

Manage Yourself. You are your own worst or best enemy.  You need to structure your day and manage yourself.  Work in chunks, set timescales - no one is going to tell you what to do now.  

Organise your space. Whether it is a bedroom, a cupboard or a kitchen table...find a way to make the space your's even if for the duration of the day. 

Talk to people. All the natural and easy ways to communicate with other humans has gone for a while.  Make the effort to talk and stay in touch. Do it every Monday morning or Friday afternoon - set a timetable for when it happens, so it happens.

Energy.  When do you work best?  Morning, afternoon..?  You can manage your energy now to make the most use of this.  You must take breaks though and have non screen time too.  Do stuff, move about, exercise...

Those are just a few of my tips.  Been a home based worker for many years so the only differences since the lockdown:

• More humans in toilet when I want to use it
• Crap WiFi
• Less food in the house/higher food bill

Take care

Paul

Coaching Principles Part Eleven - Support vs Challenge

The oldies are the best!

Well, I think so.  The support and challenge model for coaches has been around a long, long time....  But I think it is still great and extremely relevant.

Here is a quick description of the Sanford Support and Challenge model and what it means for each quadrant.

When working with a human in a coaching style, it is important to adjust your style to what is required to help them grow.  Simple idea but very powerful. It just means asking yourself 'What is the most helpful way that I can work with this person in front of me?'


Low support, Low challenge leads to apathy and no action
Low support, High challenge leads to stress
High support, Low challenge leads to warm fuzzy feelings!

High support, High challenge leads to “Coaching with bite” and high performance

That's it.  Nice and simple but powerful when you get it right.

Take care
Paul

Coaching Principles Part Nine - Be Flexible

When I first started my training as a coach, I was told one thing categorically...'Never, ever, ever tell - you are there only to ask questions.'  And, 'Never give advice.'

I stuck to this for the first 10 years of my coaching career. Mostly, it served me well. However, there are some individuals that just 'dry up' and sit there looking at you when you only do this style.

Cartoon Alan Evans, Made to Measure Training

So, I need to confess, I have been breaking this rule for the last 10 years.  At first, I thought I had taken a journey to the dark side and was no longer a proper coach.  What I have found is (and wished I had earlier) we need to be flexible as a coach.

The ideal world

The human to be coached turns up raring to go. They have spent lots of time thinking about the areas to be coached on and are fully prepared to do the work. You ask them lots of beautifully crafted open questions and they answer in full, flowing prose.  You never give advice, they don't even ask for it. 

The real world (as I see it)

The human has been given some coaching as part of their management journey of some description. They didn't really know what coaching was and don't particularly see the need for it.   You launch your big juicy opener of, 'So, what would you like to talk about?  Or, 'What do you want to get from your coaching experience?'  etc. 

They answer, 'Dunno really, what do you think we should talk about...?'...tumbleweed

------------

There is hope. It is actually okay to not know what they want to talk about.  This is where I have learned to be flexible.  I do break the 'ask only' rule and mix up the coaching with some mentoring (advice and guidance)

I am still a coach. I will always start with pure open questions. I will always try to return to pure open questions but, sometimes, I have to take a mentoring detour on the way. If this gets them talking and buying into the process, then being a bit flexible is okay in my book. 

Good luck 'out there'

Paul

Coaching Principles Part Ten - Coach is a Mindset

Over the last 20 ish years of training people in coaching skills, there is one 'pushback' I have often received.    

'That is great, but when would I have time to do all that coaching stuff...asking those questions takes time.'

I agree actually.

In my world, a coaching session is 1 -2 hours.  That is the world of a coach.

In your world, maybe that is not possible or even required.  Coaching is a mindset.  It is about stopping and thinking, 'What is the best way I can get the best from this human or humans in front of me?'  'How can I help them to raise their game?'

Cartoon by Alan Evans

Stopping and asking yourself those questions is what a coaching mindset is about.  This stops you just reacting and doing what you would always do.  

Opportunities to coach are not always long, massive private conversations - they need to be snatched in the moments.  

For example, someone comes up to you with a problem.  Maybe, they are even moaning...?

In John Whitmore's business coaching model G.R.O.W. this is the 'R' bit - Reality.  It is certainly their current reality even if their comments seem a bit negative or unhelpful.






A coaching mindset means:

• Stop, ask yourself 'What is the most useful thing I can say, not say or do, not do right now?
• Flip it round to them in some way and it becomes a coaching moment.

Here are a couple of examples:  (not great just quick)

Human - 'I am not sure whether we should do X or Y decision...'

Coach - 'in the moment' options:

1. What do you think you should do?
2. If I wasn't here, what decision would you make?
3. Using your experience, what do you think is the right decision?
4. What are your options?
5. I trust you to make the decision, you decide and let me know how it works out.
6. I have to shoot off to a meeting, back in an hour. Let's talk when I get back.

No.5 and No.6 seem a bit weird and look like abdication?  

However, as I said earlier, coaching is a mindset. Coaching is about getting the best from the person in front of you - getting them to 'up their game.'   This means sometimes, the best way to help someone is not help them.  Choosing to be temporarily 'unavailable' can be just the jolt the person needs.

TTFN,

Paul

Coaching Principles Part Eight - Don't Eat the Elephant All At Once

Sometimes, when I coach people, they are tempted to go for the 'Big Hairy Audacious Goals' because they have heard it is good to do that.  I do agree that there is value in setting huge goals but there is also a problem that goes with it.  Motivation. 

For some people, having a massive, aspiring, just huge goal gives them massive, huge  motivation.  But not everyone is wired that way.  Also, action is not always guaranteed if you leave it there.  

Massive goals need to be broken down into tiny, tiny actions.  Humans tend to take the path of least resistance when it comes to doing stuff...some would go so far as to say humans are basically lazy!  Maybe.  However, thinking tiny, bite-size pieces means a person can do something small today, tomorrow and then the next day...  In my experience, lots of tiny actions lead to stuff getting done. It feels manageable and it is motivating.  

Some examples, 'I want to get fit so I have signed up for the London Marathon.  I started well but, I have lost my motivation now.'  

Cartoon by Alan Evans, Made to Measure Training

The marathon is the elephant.  Bite size actions would be, 'What could you do today and everyday that would help towards getting you ready for the marathon?' Getting fitter for a marathon means not just putting in miles on the road but also means changing your habits and attitude about fitness.  I always look for things that you can do on the way to doing something else.



A personal example.   Tidying up is a pain if you are not motivated that way (I am not particularly).  However, a tip someone taught me once was to 'never go anywhere empty handed.'  In other words, on your many journeys around the house, up and down stairs, there is always something that needs taking from one place to another - grab something on the way.  It is a tiny action, using the path of least resistance and something would have been cleared away with minimal effort, on the way to do something else.

Back to our marathon runner...or not.
Easy examples that are on the path of least resistance for getting fitter might include:

• Always use the stairs not a lift
• Walk when you can instead of tubes or car journeys
• Refuse the dessert
• Eat smaller portions of 'crappy' food
• Have 3 portions of fruit for breakfast (so you are already on your way then!)
• Do something physical everyday even if you can't be bothered to do it and even if it is 10 minutes (Someone defined commitment as doing the thing even when your motivation has long since left you)

Hope that was useful...

Paul 

Coaching Principles Part Seven - Be Aware of Overwhelm

Coaching has become super popular I have noticed...everyone I come across seems to have completed coach training - which is great, the more the merrier.

Many are drawn to the coaching discipline as they want to help others. I have said this before and I will say it again.  Coaching is about helping people but sometimes the best way to help them is not to help them.

In an effort to be perceived to be a 'good coach' we can sometimes be too helpful.  We want to be considered good at what we do.  We might even take an element of their problems, solutions or actions on ourselves. It is their problem we are helping them to think about.

If you use coaching as part of  your management or leadership style, remember to stick to the principles. Do not let them dump the problem on you as you are then carrying around all their stuff - which becomes a very heavy burden to carry around.

Cartoon: Alan Evans

Take care
Paul

Coaching Principles Part Six - It is not your problem

They come to you with a problem.  It is their problem - do not take it off them!

Cartoon by Alan Evans

This might seem really obvious to you? 

One of the responsibilities for the coaching approach is to not solve the problem for them. 

As humans, we all probably like to help other humans?  However, the coaching approach requires that we help people in a particular way.  In fact, sometimes the best way to help someone is not to help them...in other words, give them the time and space to solve it for themselves.

Easier said than done!

Take care,
Paul

Coaching Principles Part Five - It is a 121 thing

Welcome to to Part Five of my coaching principles...



I read a lot about coaching and group coaching...Here is my view - Coaching is a 1-2-1 thing.  It happens in the intimacy of a trusted working relationship.  The coach needs to be 1-2-1 to get the best from that person to help them solve their own problems using their own resources.  Facilitators work with groups to  help them achieve things by using their own resources.  (Very broadly speaking)

There seems to a lot of talk about 'group coaching' as a new phenomenon.  I am not so sure about this.  If you are trained as a coach and a facilitator, it is really easy to see that they overlap. In fact, some of the theories behind the two approaches come from the same people.  I think that you can use some coaching models with groups but I believe this just becomes facilitation - not group coaching.  I would like to be proved wrong!

So, here is my group coaching badge for you.  If you are a trained coach and a trained facilitator, you now can call yourself a group coach. I am not dismissing group coaching, I am just saying this - 'Let's not make things more complicated!!'  People are happy with the difference between coaching and mentoring.  Now, why would we want to confuse them saying, 'Coaching techniques in a group are now called group coaching, not facilitation.'  

I disagree.  Coaching is 1-2-1, facilitation is 1-2-many!

Stepping down from my soap box right now...

Best wishes
Paul

Coaching Principles Part 4 - Do not be tempted

Hello again...

When anyone has just completed a coaching course, there is typically a temptation to go back to the 'old ways.'  The old ways are just telling people what to do like you did before the course.

When a manager/leader gets to that position, part of the success was due to problem solving.  Possibly, quick thinking.  Also, for generally being a great worker of some description.  

Then, you are suddenly responsible for other humans.  You try to use coaching which is about asking questions and not telling people what to do.  This is not an easy thing to do. It is so tempting to just tell them the answer...'By the time I have asked questions, listened and explained, I might as well just do it myself!'  Sound familiar?

Many times I have seen great sales people or great engineers get promoted for their skills. Then, they have to oversee other humans doing the job they just left.  It is so hard not to tell people what to do and... possibly tell them to do it the way you would have done it!  (that is the right and only way really)




Cartoon: Alan Evans


Do not be lured to the dark side.

Stay strong.  Ask questions and don't just tell people the answer.

Take care,
Paul