Non judgement and the Costa Kid

One of the foundation stones of coaching is non-judgement - but what does that mean really?

This blog was prompted by me sitting drinking coffee in one of my favourite establishments - Costa Coffee. As a proud regular, I work on my laptop in one of the quieter areas of the café.  I have noticed that a couple come in every day with a young baby. They sit there for a couple of hours just drinking coffee and their baby sits in his pram staring outwards.  The adults with the child (I assume parents) are both scruffily dressed and quite loud/obnoxious in their dealings with the Costa staff.

I have found it hard over the last few years, to not judge what I see.  EVERY time I see them, I notice that I have very judgemental thoughts about them.  I can't help but wonder what sort of upbringing this small person is getting spending so many hours/days/weeks in Costa sat in his pram. Will the parents really be that proud if his first words are, 'Do you want chocolate sprinkles with that?'

Right or wrong. I have formed judgements about these people and the way that they live their life. I won't share them with them. I wonder if they rocked up to a coaching session, how would I cope with the data they present?!  What right have I got to judge them when I know nothing of their circumstances, values or anything about them? And yet I do judge!

When sitting with someone 1-1, you are privy to lots of aspects of their life that they will not tell others.  They may share things with you which challenge your own belief systems. It is important to recognise your own 'stuff' so that you are able to keep it out the coaching sessions.  Your own 'hang ups' and views of the world are easy to leak into the session and contaminate what is going on.

For instance, if your client talks about making enough money to retire at 40 and doesn't know what to do with herself...You might think, 'You are SO lucky - what have you got to moan about?'  This could make you less useful to them as you seeing their world through YOUR eyes.  As a coach, we need to listen properly to see the world through THEIR eyes and help them to make decisions that suit where they are not where we think they should be.

So, it is normal to have the judgements in your head. But we always need to be mindful of what is 'our stuff' and make sure it does not contaminate the coaching work.  We have to train ourselves not to let these judgements leak into our work. At the very least, if you are coaching others, you should also have a coach or supervisor to keep your own development moving forward.

Take care
Paul